Sing Along

Tomorrow we pick up our four children from a month in North Carolina. Seriously, I can't wait. But of course, I started to digress in my thinking to all those wonderful songs we learned at camp (or on the streets) during our so crucial formative years. After laughing till I cried at midnight last night (sorry, Larry!), here's a countdown of my all time favorites, complete with lyrics (as I remember them. Some of these may be "regional", so forgive any self indulgence) ALSO, I feel it's important to note in case anyone from Human Services is reading this that I do NOT condone my children singing these songs . In public:



7) Trick-or-Treat

Trick or treat!

Smell my feet!

Give me something good to eat!

If you don't, I don't care!

I'll pull down your underwear!

* Nice! sexual assault for candy



6) Jingle Bells (sung to tune of Jingle Bells)

Jingle Bells! Batman Smells! Robin laid an egg.

The Batmobile lost its wheel

And the Joker ran away.



5) Dandelion Chant (done while holding a dandelion with your thumb on the flower)

Momma had a baby and its head popped off! (upon which you flick the head of the flower off)

* This particular gruesome imagery may very well be local to New York. Or maybe my sister and I invented it. Not sure. But worth mentioning.



4) Addam's Family "remix" Sung to the tune of the Addam's Family. Now, many of you will know the first verse. However, I've included the lesser known second verse for your enjoyment.



The Addam's family started

When Uncle Fester farted

They all became retarded

The Addam's family!



The house is made of sh*t

And so is Cousin It

Morticia sucks her t*t

The Addam's family!



3) Under the Cherry Tree sung with a reggae beat. *I must note that I don't remember this entire song. Maybe one of my reader's can complete for me?

Under the cherry Tree (da da da da da da)

That's where she showed "it" to me!

It was hairy and black, and it had a crack

Under the cherry tree!



I took out my hairy banana

Under the cherry tree!

(that's all I remember. I must have been so traumatized by the vision of a hairy "banana" that I've buried this one deep in my subconscious. Anyway, I do remember as a young woman being more than relieved to learn that a man's "banana" isn't actually hairy. TMI? sorry.



2) Rupture (chanted) *this song is sort of a spin off, or an homage to the #1 classic vulgar tune of childhood. I must also add that it's probably my husband's fave. EVERYBODY, NOW:

When you're climbing up a rail

And your balls hit a nail

It's a rupture!



When you're sliding into "first"

And you feel something burst

It's a rupture!



When you try to climb a ladder

And you feel something splatter

It's a rupture!



1) Diarrhea!

*The classic "camp" song! I'm sure there are infinite versus - some homegrown, some more standardized. My kids sang this to me thinking they were the first to hear it. And guess what? My mother new this song, too! It's as timeless as they come...sniff...



Diarrhea! cha cha cha!

Diarrhea! cha cha cha!

You can tell by the smell

Someone's not feeling well!



Diarrhea! cha cha cha!

Diarrhea! cha cha cha!

Some people think it's funny

But it's really brown and runny!



I hope you've all enjoyed this trip down memory lane as much as I have. These songs still tickle my funny bone, bring me back in time to the "back of the bus" where all the cool kids sat, have zero redeemable social value, and are sure to survive the test of time.