Know Your Audience

To many, I am outgoing and funny. But in certain social settings, I can be very shy. I'm not that great at "small talk", and to overcompensate, I can put my foot in my mouth. One thing I constantly do is misjudge my crowd in terms of what is appropriate humor or a "comedy killer". Add a libation or two, and my humor is often met with the proverbial "crickets chirping".

1) When I first moved to Atlanta, I got a job at an EXTREMELY southern financial institution. It was employed by EXTREMELY southern young belles, ex-athletes, and good-Ole-boys. We would all sit in a communal room, separated by half-partitions. When it was a slow time, we would stand up to kid around and talk, like a bunch of whack-a-moles. During one such slow spot, an EXTREMELY southern young lady stands up and shares, "Y'all, when I was in sorority at Ole Miss, it was considered unladylike to stand and hold a beer while talking to a guy" and sits back down. So I popped up and added, "Yeah, I can really relate. Cuz when I was in college in New York, it was considered unladylike to actually MOUNT a guy while holding a beer." CRICKETS

2) Some dear friends of mine decided to throw me a "congratulations on my Black Belt" party, in conjunction with a mutual friends' Going Away party. There was an odd mix of my friends, their friends, and his friends at this party but hey - alcohol makes for strong glue. The host of the party was pouring a small group of us drinks, and holding court. He was telling some guys about a friend of theirs who ended up in jail. The host turns to me and explains that this guy was a part-time magician who got heavily into cocaine, and was eventually busted on possession charges. "Wow!!!" I giggled "That must have been some cavity search! What did they do - pull a rainbow scarf out of his ass?!" and actually MIMED said pulling of scarf out of said ass. CRICKETS

3) Later, at THE SAME PARTY, we all retired to the screened in porch. Polite conversation was being volleyed from one side of the room to the other, and all across. One buddy mentioned he went to a small private school called Choate. From across the porch another man commented "I didn't know you went to Choate. I heard Jamie Lee Curtis went to Choate." "Yeah", my buddy answered. "But it was a looong time ago". "Yeah!!" I chimed in. "It was SO long ago, Jamie Lee Curtis still had a PENIS!" CRICKETS